Posts Tagged ‘humor’

When Words Fail, But you Can’t Stop Thinking

March 13, 2008

It seems that there are many occasions when we find that we lack the proper word to describe a thing or event or we encounter a thing or event that has no word.

It strikes me that it is the duty of each and every one of use who deigns to use language to remedy this situation as best as we can.

To that extent, I am publishing below ( in no particular order) several words of my invention that I feel may be useful at one time or another.

Please feel free to add your own words as comments, I will make certain that the better ones appear.

Hezipassitation (noun) The time that passes between when you have slowed down in the Easy-Pass lane and the time that the bar raises and you accelerate once again.

Trailefuscator (noun) the 18 wheeler that is right in front of you preventing you from seeing the road sign indicating the next exit which is invariably yours.

Chowfage (noun) a small bit of food caught in your teeth that refuses all attempts of your tongue to dislodge it.

Exacerbitch (noun) the very prim and proper person in front of whom you dare not scratch where you really itch and who won’t stop speaking to you while staring straight at you.

Bumfipple (noun) the sound of the seat of your pants ripping as you raise your leg in order to tie your shoe. Also known as a Bumfrip if you bend over to tie your shoes and did not lift your leg.

Orphew (noun) a silent passing of wind in an elevator odiferously noticed by everyone but with no one taking ownership.

Origlare (noun) the look one gives to other people in an elevator upon detecting and orphew. Also the same look one gives upon perpetuating an orphew.

Knownodding (verb) the slight angled shake of the head made by someone who knew the answer to a question but witnessed someone else give the wrong answer. Often occurring when playing trivia games or watching television game shows.

Gnashitting (verb) the simultaneous clenching of teeth and bowels, Frequently occurring when watching televised political debates.

Capitulatteing (verb) not complaining about the lid that was put atop your cappuccino by your helpful barrista in a café despite the fact that it has flattened all that wonderful foam

Diskeylapsey (verb) dropping the door key when your arms are overloaded with fragile groceries such as eggs, strawberries, yogurt and a heavy bottle of bleach.

Greaseting (noun) a handshake with some one who has just slathered their appendage with moisturizing cream.

Booblush (noun) cosmetic designed to enhance the look of cleavage

Toewindow (noun) a hole at the end of a sock

Barriclod (noun) the person in front of you on the escalator that does not understand that you wish to get past them.

Guffawltiness (noun) inappropriate laughter

Keisterstitial (noun) the part of cloth in a dress or skirt that is jammed between the buttocks of the lady standing with her back to you as you sit on the bus or subway.

Misacrimony (noun) being angry with the wrong person

Richagrin (noun) the feeling of shame when one realizes that one has been speaking of items or services that one ahs recently purchased in front of someone who could not afford the same things or services

Dentichinating (verb) laughing out loud with ill-fitting dentures

Mopflop (noun) a comb over that the wind has blown over in the wrong direction

Cherubotheration (noun) an infant destined to become a problem child

Offbeatnik (noun) a hippie with no rhythm

Shamongrel (noun) an itinerant preacher